Well, really the first day of school was on Tuesday. Eden was totally ready for it-- Mommy not so much. No, I did not cry as I dropped her off, although I was a little thoughtful and emotional. Part of that being that I felt like the worst Mommy in the world. So, I am supposed to drop her off at the Kindergarten playground and then when the bell rings everyone lines up at the door. So, I pull my car up to the designated drop off location and she jumps out. As she is taking her time getting out of the car, I realize all of the other new kindergarten parents are parking their cars and walking their child to the playground. Do they leave it at that? NO, they stand around waiting for the bell to ring to make sure that their child makes it into school okay. I consider this and realize that I have too much pride to get out of the car: I am still wearing pajamas! So my kindergartener has to brave her way across the crosswalk and into the playground ALONE while I watch feeling like she may be scarred for life. Her mommy isn't supportive enough to suck up her pride and go out in public in pajamas.
Oh, well. I was there to pick her up fully clothed and even got out of the car to greet her. Do you think that makes up for it?
Okay, but really I don't really know how to feel about this. I don't really feel old enough to have a kid in kindergarten. I imagine, I will always feel like this. Eden is in heaven, making new friends and having new experiences. This is what she thrives on. Now if her Mommy could just adjust to the change as well as she can . . .
I just look back at the past five years and remembering her as a baby and thinking that this was so far away. The funny thing is I am still in that same mind set with Seth. School is so far away for him. He won't even be able to go to preschool for 2 more years. But really, that isn't that long. This is actually one of my new goals. I really need to focus on my kids now, because they are going to grow up before I know it and the disgusting bathroom that I feel needs to take precedence over them really won't make that big of a difference in 5 years. The time that I miss out getting to play with them and snuggle with them, while they are still willing to snuggle will.